A few months ago, I was challenged to write about "being real". I've pondered over what to write since then. However, on my way home from a wedding the other night the Lord spoke to me about what to write. I am here to share-
When I started the adoption process, I thought I would continue to be "GretaJo" easy going, pack up and go anytime, shop when I wanted, hang out with friends on the weekends, continue to talk on the phone for hours, go to bed early (as normal), have a well kept home, spend hours at the horse stable- you get the picture (the single life). I thought Carson would fit into my world and I would continue to be me.
Fast forward a few months after Carson came home- A first time mom, struggling to figure out how to be a Mom, struggling with how to fit Carson into my life with work, friends, horses, etc. The first few months of being a mom were rough... Carson and I did not have a problem bonding. However, I had the problem- trying to mesh the old with the new GretaJo. It was not working. It was a daily struggle.
Finally, I turned my struggles over to the Lord one evening while racing to pick up Carson at the day care before it closed. The conversation went like this- Lord, I have always wanted to be a mother and you have blessed me with a beautiful baby boy. However, I did not want to be a single mother. I never dreamt about raising a child alone, how do I continue with my life now that I'm a mom? The Lord revealed to me, you are not alone, I am with you. I have taken people out of your life for a reason, and blessed you with an amazing baby boy. Its time to move forward, its time to put away your childish and selfish behaviours, do not look back because there is no hope in the past. It's not going to be easy- there will be tears, lots of fond memories, broken friendships, not alot of alone time, you will struggle and you will fall however, I am always with you. Stay strong!
After the conversation with the Lord that evening, I felt like a new person. Sure, there are times I miss the old life of GretaJo, however, I am so blessed I would not trade it for anything.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Posted by Greta Jo at 11:32 PM
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Hi Mommy, its me, your baby boy, Carson. I wanted to say Happy Birthday to you. You are my wonderful mommy and I'm so happy I have you. God brought us together because He knows what He's doing. He knew how much our hearts would be joined together. I smile when you smile. I laugh when you laugh. I cry when you cry. Thank you, God, for my mommy. She is the best.
Even though I'm only 2, I love you mommy, through and through. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Posted by Greta Jo at 10:49 AM
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Conversation between Jonathan and Carson this morning...
Carson: I rode a pony.
Jonathan: Really, Carson?!
Carson: Me (me= yes)
Jonathan: Where did you ride the pony?
Carson: Hmmm, Hmmm, Guatemama
On the way home from the daycare center yesterday, Carson pulled out a match box truck from his coat pocket.
Me: Carson what is that?
Carson: A truck, Mommy.
Me: Where did the truck come from? (I knew it was not his)
Me: With a smile on my face and holding back my laughter, I said Guatemama?
Carson: Said me ( me = yes)
Posted by Greta Jo at 2:55 PM
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
last bike ride for the season. As its going to be below thirty degrees for the next seven days. Uh! cold and windy weather, dark days, naked trees, and little sun = winter in NJ. YUCK!
My sweet baby boy melts my heart.
Posted by Greta Jo at 6:53 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Over the past few months I have been reading about, when and if Guatemala will reopen their adoptions. It seems as if they will open the adoptions again however the process may take a little longer (or more hoops to jump through) and there is not a time frame as to when they will reopen. I have negative and positive thoughts about the possible "new" adoption process. My positive thoughts are; make sure the baby was given up for adoption freely by birth mother, matching the DNA. My negative thoughts are; a longer waiting process, harder on the birth mother, lack time between birth mothers interviews, baby is in foster care longer. With that being said, I have a calling to adopt again from Guatemala. However, I do not want a large age difference between Carson and his sibling. I do not want to be an older woman adopting. I know its not about me, its about the Lord's timing. I am grateful I have Carson and he is healthy. But, I really want him to have a sibling from Guatemala.
Posted by Greta Jo at 8:18 PM
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Thanks to all my fellow blogger friends for checking on me. I am sorry if I have not returned your emails or phone calls. For the past several years around the 'fall back time change' I have dealt with pre-winter blues. So needless to say, this year is no different. I have been trying very hard not to become blue, however, my mind can play some awful tricks on me. If I was not such a family girl, I would move some place warm and sunny year around.
Posted by Greta Jo at 12:25 PM