How You and I became a family

Dear Carson,

I went through a very difficult time in my life where my days were very dark and nights were extremely lonely. After a few years of suffering from heartache, I had to move on with my life. Every day if the weather was nice I would walk Kyndle(our dog) a few miles and talk with the Lord about where and what he wanted me to do with my life. Adoption kept coming to mind. At church one Sunday in 2006 we sang one of my favorite songs.."Here I am Lord". By the end of the song with tears streaming down my face I said, 'Yes, Lord I will adopt.'

I started researching different countries. After much prayer, research, discussions with different adoption agencies, and of course my relationship with Holly who is also from Guatemala, I decided...Guatemala it is.

I began the adoption process single and alone. There were mounds of paper work, finger prints, personal essays, letters of references, and family photos that needed to be completed before I was approved to adopt. Halfway through the process I thought, 'I can not do this... I am single, selfish, and becoming set in my ways, how is this going to work?' However, the Lord had a different plan.

September 29th, 2007 I was visiting your Great Grandmother at her home in Egg Harbor Twp. She was suffering from end stage Alzheimer's disease. As I was sitting on the edge of her hospice bed, while rubbing her head, I told her she was going to be a Great Grandmother again. I proceeded to tell her very slowly that I was going to adopt a baby from Guatemala. She responded in a very soft, "That's great".

September 6th, 2007 you were born in Guatemala City, Guatemala. Your birth mother wanted to give you a better opportunity in life. So, she made a conscious decision to give you up for adoption.

October 11, 2007 your Great Grandmother went home to be with the Lord. Two hours later I received your referral via telephone and saw your face for the first time through email. My emotions were mixed. I was in the beginning stage of grieving the loss of your Great Grandmother, and just received your referral which I had been anticipating.

On October 14, 2007 after a comprehensive review of your medical records from a family pediatrician, and much prayer, I accepted your referral.

Each month thereafter, I would receive updated pictures of you, and a medical review from your physician in Guatemala. Once I received your updated pictures I would send a bulk email to family and friends so they could see how much you were growing. Family and friends all grew to love you quickly.

While you were living with your foster family I would send you a box of clothes, toys, etc. each month. I was given the opportunity to visit you in Guatemala before the adoption process was finalized, however, I opted to wait. I made the decision to wait based on the fact that I knew it would be extremely difficult for me to bond with you for a few days and then hand you back to your foster mother until the adoption was finalized, and what if your birth mother had a change of heart.

While you were in Guatemala with your foster Mother, I was busy at home preparing your new bedroom, and preparing myself for 'motherhood'. Family and friends hosted a beautiful baby shower for me. I received many, many gifts from diapers, to clothes, a stroller, and tons more. I was blessed beyond measure.

The adoption process had numerous policy and procedures to follow before finalization. Each policy and procedure could have taken anywhere from 1 week to many months. There were many peaks and valleys during the wait. However, I was extremely fortunate, because the date of your referral to finalization was only seven months.

On June 4 2007 at 10:00a.m. your Aunt Tracey and I waited anxiously outside the Marriott Hotel in Guatemala City for your arrival. I had butterflies in my stomach. I was completely nervous and excited all at the same time... (I am sure your Aunt Tracey will tell you more).

After about 1/2 hour of waiting outside the hotel a small green taxi pulled up. A tall, beautiful lady holding a tiny little prince, and young boy stepped out of the car. Carson, I knew it was you from the moment I saw you. I can remember that day as if it were yesterday. I could not take you out of your foster mothers arms fast enough. You and I both stared at each other for a few minutes. I could not stop kissing and hugging you.
Your foster mother did not speak English and she did not understand my broken Spanish all that well. So, we sat and smiled at each other in hotel lobby until the attorney arrived.

Once the attorney arrived I had at least another dozen papers to sign. The attorney translated between the foster mother and me. Your foster mother loved you very much. Every time she talked about you she would cry. Before we said our good-byes your foster mother asked for a few minutes alone with you. She hugged you a million times, kissed you and said many things to you in Spanish. It was a very touching moment I will always remember.

The next morning we had our embassy appointment which was like waiting in the DMV. At the second or third counter I had to swear under oath an adoption statement which was very emotional for me. While I was saying the oath I began to cry. Carson you took your little hand to wipe away my tears. When the embassy appointment was over I felt as if the world was lifted off my shoulder. We were officially a family.

I love you sweet baby boy!