Saturday, November 29, 2008

Being real

A few months ago, I was challenged to write about "being real". I've pondered over what to write since then. However, on my way home from a wedding the other night the Lord spoke to me about what to write. I am here to share-

When I started the adoption process, I thought I would continue to be "GretaJo" easy going, pack up and go anytime, shop when I wanted, hang out with friends on the weekends, continue to talk on the phone for hours, go to bed early (as normal), have a well kept home, spend hours at the horse stable- you get the picture (the single life). I thought Carson would fit into my world and I would continue to be me.

Fast forward a few months after Carson came home- A first time mom, struggling to figure out how to be a Mom, struggling with how to fit Carson into my life with work, friends, horses, etc. The first few months of being a mom were rough... Carson and I did not have a problem bonding. However, I had the problem- trying to mesh the old with the new GretaJo. It was not working. It was a daily struggle.

Finally, I turned my struggles over to the Lord one evening while racing to pick up Carson at the day care before it closed. The conversation went like this- Lord, I have always wanted to be a mother and you have blessed me with a beautiful baby boy. However, I did not want to be a single mother. I never dreamt about raising a child alone, how do I continue with my life now that I'm a mom? The Lord revealed to me, you are not alone, I am with you. I have taken people out of your life for a reason, and blessed you with an amazing baby boy. Its time to move forward, its time to put away your childish and selfish behaviours, do not look back because there is no hope in the past. It's not going to be easy- there will be tears, lots of fond memories, broken friendships, not alot of alone time, you will struggle and you will fall however, I am always with you. Stay strong!

After the conversation with the Lord that evening, I felt like a new person. Sure, there are times I miss the old life of GretaJo, however, I am so blessed I would not trade it for anything.


Kimmie said...

Praising God for this *conversation* and the revelation of who he is making Greta Jo to become. It is all about the becoming glad that you have this to hold and to ponder.

Hey, I was wondering....I've been praying for you for is your job?

mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted

Becca said...

Gret - that is beautiful. Carson is so lucky to have you as a Mommy. And I am lucky to have you as a Sister. Much love to you - thanks for sharing - I needed to read that.


Bobbi said...

I love it when people are true on blogs. Let's be honest, parenting is not easy and we do give up a lot. It is worth it, but it doesn't always mean we have to like it.

I know the feeling you talked about. I felt it each time I became a parent.

Thanks for being real.

Heidi said...

There was a reason for you to write that tonight...for me to read it! Really, that was great and oh so true.

Marlene said...

Great post GretaJo! Those conversations with Him always makes a person feel renewed and strong! I am happy you feel more at eased now. You are doing a great job. I look forward to seeing you early next year!

Becca said...

Yes, I needed to read this again.