I have a few questions that I have pondered over the last seven months. I have researched, asked professionals and prayed. Below is a list of questions I have- can you help me from either your experience and/or knowledge?
1. Will my love for the baby be "different" from the love I have for Carson?
2. Will I still view Carson the same way?
3. Will there be a "different" type of bonding with the baby?
Monday, March 28, 2011
will my love be different...
Posted by Greta Jo at 5:23 PM
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3 comments:
I can honestly say with having both biological children and adopted that it was just as easy to bond with Aiden then it was my bio girls. I love him as much as I did my girls when I gave birth to them.
All good questions.
This is just my experience.
Your love will be different, but not because of the way that Carson came to your family. The love for each child is just different because THEY are different. I love all four fiercely but in very different ways.
You won't view Carson in the exact same way. He will all of a sudden seem big to you. I remember when Lauren was born, suddenly Hunter looked HUGE to me (he was 2 1/2) and I expected him to act bigger. He didn't. In fact, he regressed slightly. That was short lived though. As far as because of adoption, no, I don't think you will. Of course, we did it the other way around (bio first, adoption second).
Yes, there will be a different bonding just because you will be together from day one. That doesn't mean it is will be more or less of a bond, just a different bond. There is a huge difference in the bonding of my child who came home at 2 and the one who came home at 8 months.
All very legitimate questions.
I am always here if you need to talk it through or if other questions come up.
Reba
PS There are times I worry about "favoring" one child over another but it often depends on the day who that would be...usually who is the one giving me the least trouble that day :)
Greta Jo,
These are all questions that we have as we add children to our family, and very legitimate concerns. I am going to tell you the truth, and not everyone will like it or agree with me.
I have given birth to two biological children. I love them differently and I bonded differently with them. The same goes for Mauricio. I love him deeply, and honestly, think that I "cherish" my love with for him. I don't take it as forgranted. But, while I love them differently, I love them each equally.
I also remember my girls being born. While I loved them, I don't think I was "in love" with them. Nor were they with me. It's a bonding process. They grow inside of you, but once they are here you have to learn about them, just as you did Carson. Again, it is different, and the bonding is different, in some ways it is the same. I remember wondering, "will I be able to love Krista as much as I do Cassie, or Reese as much as I did the girls?" The answer is "OH YEAH!!!!!!!" Also, when you give birth there are emotions and hormones that make you crazy!! :)
Carson is going to seem big, and it is scary. Also, I always felt closer to my younger one, just because I still wanted that "baby bond" with them. The family dynamic changes. Be sure to give yourself and the rest of the family time to let that happen. It will all be beautiful---eventually!!
When I had my oldest daughter, I read an article about new parents, what I took from it was this quote, "when your baby is first born you would throw yourself in front of a bicycle for your baby. Then, a car, then a bus, then a train......." I have told so many expectant mothers and fathers (both adoptive and biological) and they have come back and told me how true this was!!
Prayers for a safe, easy delivery and transition for you all. You are a great mother, and will continue to be!!
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