Sunday, May 22, 2011

More then bags of clothes

One year ago, one of my favorite Aunt's passed away way too quickly. I had the privilege of caring for her in the nursing facility where I was the Administrator. However, that was a very hard task with many blessing, vivid memories (some that rip at my heart strings while others I can laugh at). Well, for months I was carrying around bags of her clothing in the trunk of my car to donate at the local good will. Well, I knew the clothes were in the trunk as I would open it up for one reason or another and her fragrances on her clothing would linger in the trunk. Jonathan asked me numerous times to drop off the bags as we needed the trunk space however I always found an excuse why I did not drop them off. With that being said, it was more than clothes... it was my aunt's clothes, clothes that she wore on her perfect body, clothes that she picked out, clothes that someone gave her, clothes that I could smell her perfume on, clothes that I could see her wearing to holiday dinners, parties, etc. Its was more than bags of clothes. It was clothing that I could hold close to me and still feel her presence as I smelled her perfume. I can remember this one day as I was having a difficult time dealing with her death but could not express my feelings to my family as my Mom was dealing with her own grief regarding losing her sister which was her best friend. My Dad and Jonathan were there to listen, however all I could do was cry and not get a word out. So, I went to the horse stable and opened up one of the bags and held one of her sweaters close to me for a few hours as I cared for the horses. Later on that evening, every once in a while I would get a smell of her perfume as it was on my clothing... with each smell I would look for her or have very vivid memories of our time together.
Fast forward a few months of carrying around her clothing in the trunk I finally broke down and found a place to donate her clothing. As I walked into the store to ask about accepting donations the lady said, Yes we accept donations you can leave them by the garage that says donations. The lady was very matter of fact and I thought to myself.... Lady, you do not understand they are not just donations of clothing there are tons of memories in each bag.. you do not get it? I walked out of the store with the thought of getting in my car and forgetting about dropping them off. However, the Lord had another plan for me... he broke me down right in the parking lot. Tears were streaming down my face as I opened the trunk and in slow motion removed each bag from my trunk and placed them neatly and gently against the wall which was labeled donations. I stood there for a few minutes which seemed like hours looking at the clothing and taking in each remaining smell of my Aunt. As I began to walk away I noticed the sales lady staring at me from the door as we made eye contact she walked outside and said to me "We will take care of the articles." I could not even get the word Thank you out of my mouth. I sat in my car and sobbed like a baby. I was really missing my Aunt and I felt so bad about leaving her belongings behind. As I finally drove off I kept my eyes on the bags to make sure they were ok. I could barely see the road as I was crying so hard and my head was killing me from crying. I drove to the horse stable and spent the rest of the afternoon out there as I needed some alone time. To this day, every once in a while when I open the trunk I get a smell of my Aunt's frangence. Oh, how I miss her!


Bobbi said...

I had to stop reading a few times to clear my tears. She will be in you the rest of your life.

After reading this post, I know you will see her in your new baby's eyes.

Leah Maya Benjamin said...

Its so hard to let go of something that you can still feel your loved one in.

Jaime Kambouris said...

My dad gave Ryann two stuffed animals that Mommom had and as soon as I picked them up I could smell her....I wouldn't let her have them for weeks cause I didn't want to lose that smell I almost bagged them up so the would keep the smell. I wanna smell your trunk!