Carson's Cinderella

This is how I feel....

Busy weekend

Friday afternoon Best, Carson and I went to see Cars 2 at the movie theater. Carson did not move for two hours. His eyes were glued to the big screen. He loved it! However, I on the other hand could not sit still the last half hour. After the movie we went to Red Robin for a late lunch. Carson was not very hungry as he ate a small bag of buttered popcorn during the movie.
Saturday we had a family trip planned to Sesame Place. It was a LONG/HOT day! Carson had a great time on the rides along with playing at the water park for hours.
Sunday we hung at the house as Ms. Cinderella still is not sleeping through the night. However, Carson and I did go to the pool in the afternoon while Jonathan and Cinderella napped.

walk on the boardwalk

Today Carson and I had some one on one time together (greatly needed). So, we decided to take a walk on the Sea Isle Boardwalk (ice cream, pizza, a little arcade). Well, of course its summer time and there are a ton of beautiful people walking the boardwalk in the bathing suites. Anyway, two girls walked by us and Carson said- Mommy, why are the girls wearing their underwear and beers on the boardwalk? I replied, No honey, they are wearing their bathing suites. He quickly replied--- NO Mommy, they are wearing their underwear and beers. He followed up his sentence with "That's GROSS"!
No need to correct him :)

First day of Summer

Ahhh, today is the first day of summer. I love the summer time weather. It started off a bit cool however the day ended with perfect weather. Carson and I played on the swing set while Cinderella slept. This evening we enjoyed some pool time at my parents house. Cinderella was being held most of the time by Essie and Best (they were trying to share her) Lol.

A hard lesson-

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
I have been on both ends of this verse-
I have said 'things' to people I really love(d) that was out of pure anger.
To this day the words haunt me.
I have said I was sorry but nothing changed.
I asked for forgiveness but again nothing has changed.

However, when I have been on the receiving end...
I am told to move on and I have-
I've been told to forgive and I am trying-
I've been told to make up and be friends I have tried-
I am so thankful the Lord forgives us... Thank you Lord!

Carson, In life please remember your tongue is the sharpest weapon.
Your tongue can break up relationships.
Your tongue can scar someones heart.
Your tongue can be controlled-
Please think before you speak.
Before you respond with a negative word- pray

I wish...

I could freeze time
I could help all the children who need loving homes
I could enjoy the moment and not worry about the future
I could hold Carson forever
I could protect Carson's heart
I could record all the moments with Carson
I could relax with him a little more ( I am a nervous Mommy at times)
I could know his future
I could share all my stories with him and he would truly understand how much I love him-

Not myself

For the past couple of days I have not been myself...
I feel-
very tired
confused about future plans with work, more children, selling our home
songs make me cry
wanting to fit into my jeans again
I need to express my feelings to someone who really hurt me
I am so in love with my children
I need a routine
I need to move on
I can not wait to start riding again
Kyndel is really starting to show her age and it scares me as she has been my faithful companion for years.
Summer is here and I need to enjoy it
I am full of emotions

Will Cinderella..

turn tan like me?
will she have my eyes when she gets older?
do you think she will be my size or smaller?

And the questions begin...

Carson and Cinderella

Power Rangers

I'm not sure what happens to Carson when he watches Power Rangers. OMG! He turns into a completely different boy. He jumps, screams, karate chops and acts like a wild child. No more power rangers for Carson-

School is out....

Today was Carson's last day of Pre-K4. He was very excited as his teacher gave out awards and played games all day. Carson received an award for being the "Most Energetic"- having super amounts of energy. Go Figure!
Anyway, Carson will be attending a part day summer camp program at his school in two weeks. For the next two weeks we have a full agenda ( park, beach, library, boardwalk, zoo, mommom's pool, playing in the yard, sesame place, horse back riding).
I'm not sure if Carson is going to Kindergarten next year as he will be turning 5 after school starts... We will wait to see-

slip and slide

Carson had hours of fun with his $5.00 slip and slide. Its little things that make my boy happy.

soft heart

This morning Carson and I were watching "word girl" and holding hands (which is normal when we watch t.v together). Carson said in a very soft voice, Mommy, I was worried about you when you were in the hospital. I replied, What were you worried about? He said very quickly, you, Mommy. I went to ask another question and he said, do you want to watch this show or not? I guess he told me :)

one week and big brother

I walked into the living room to find Carson talking with "Cinderella" while she was swinging. Too cute! Today we celebrate Cinderella's one week birthday. I can not believe how fast time goes even when I'm stuck in the house.

poopy on my shirt

This morning I was changing Cinderella and Carson wanted to help me. The next thing I noticed, Carson had pretty yellow watery poopy all over his shirt. Carson looked at me and said, "Guess I can not wear this shirt to school." I replied I guess not... The next thing I noticed, Carson rubbing Cinderella's face and saying "it was ok, and I am not mad." Tears ran down my face...

thoughts

The baby has her days and nights confused...
Carson seems so big to me now as I hold the baby-
Carson is very protective of his "Cinderella"
My mind still has not completely grasped the fact that I had a baby...it's surreal.
When I hold the baby I still can not believe she is 1/2 me :0)
Carson is a big helper.
I can not drive for another week in a half.
I cry at everything right now.
My body still feels sore and my hip/back are killing me.
No, I am not vain for naming my daughter after me as I was named after my Grandmother.
My Mom and Tracey have been awesome!
When will my stomach be back to normal?
Greta Rebecca has her first doctor's appt on Thursday.
Carson is adjusting very well.
The Lord has truly blessed our family.
We are going to have the baby dedicated next month.

Birthday Message to Essie

Happy Birthday Essie!

At 9:20 pm on 6/7/2011 Carson says unedited or scripted to my Mom-

Dear MomMom,
Thank you for bringing me this little toy(as he points) and Thank you for bringing all the things to me. I love you for everything. Happy Birthday
Love you!

It's Cinderella

The first time Carson saw the baby he said...It's Cinderella.
Kyndel (my dog) just sits and watches the baby during the day.

SHE'S HERE! GRETA REBECCA-6 lbs 8 oz, 19.5 inches-To God be the Glory

Today is the day...check list

I slept with one eye open... We have to be at the hospital at 11:30am today the c-section is planned for 1:30pm.

My bag is backed.
The babies items are all together and cleaned.
Carson's sitter will pick him up from school today.
The house is clean.
The yard looks good.
I can not have anything to eat or drink until the baby is here.
My hair is washed and legs/______ are shaved. ;)
Camera is charged and packed.
Horses will be taken care of by Jessica.
My sister will be picking up Carson and Shauna after school so they can come meet the baby.
My Essie and Tracey will be meeting us at the hospital.
My Dad will join us later on today.
All jewelry is off.
Flowers and plants are watered.
The Lord has heard my prayers.
Anxiety level middle of the road.
Bills are paid and in the mail.
Phone calls have been made.
Insurance cards and identification cards are packed
OMG, The baby will be here shortly.
We are finally going to meet the baby......

Since I have been on bed rest I have had a ton of time to think about the birth of the new baby. These are my thoughts as I have traveled down the journey of pregnancy. This chapter of my life will be closing and another one will be starting very soon. My thoughts are not in any special order and are not scripted or edited to fit what I think others would want to hear...

I thought I would of had a biological child 8 plus years ago.

My Dad talked to me for a few years about "not missing" the opportunity to try to have a biological child.

I love to see my Essie (mom) so excited about the new baby coming home. She smiles every time she sees me.

There are many jealous people out there regarding my pregnancy. Why can't they just be happy for me?

I have learned who my true 'friends' are during the pregnancy.

I am not sure if I have the energy to run after a toddler.

Within the last three weeks I have felt very vulnerable.

I am not sure if I am going to breastfeed.

How is Carson going to be with the new baby?

How is the baby going to change our lives?

What type of personality will the baby have?

Will I have a lot of pain after the c-section?

We have decided not to get a new suv yet as we do not want a car payment so my ridgeline will have to do... for a few more months.

I have seen the Lords hand in my pregnancy for the last nine months.

There were numerous times I thought...what did I get myself into as I was so sick.

Feeling the baby grow inside my belly has been amazing.

Many of my dreams over the past few months have been surrounded around the baby being born..i.e. the baby was born with a full set of teeth, the baby looked just like Carson, I went to have the c-section and was told I had another two months. phew!

Will I be able to relax and enjoy the baby or will I be up tight about having a newborn?

Will I be satisfied with one biological child?

When will be the best time to start our second adoption?

I have met a handful of very generous people regarding my pregnancy.

Jonathan has been unbelievable during the pregnancy journey.

When is our home going to sell so we can start on the new home? I would love for each of the children to have their own bedrooms. If not its ok...

I can not wait until the children get older so we can go on mission trips.

Is the baby going to have red hair or black hair?

brown eyes or blue eyes?

Carson's forever family day is the day after the baby is born.

Carson and I have been together for 4 years on the 3rd of June.

How is Christopher, Ali, Shauna and Noah going to be with the new baby?

Will my children really get to know their Uncle Joey since he lives a few hours away?

This time 4 years ago Tracey and I were in Guatemala. Oh, I have such emotional thougths about that trip.

Does "he" know I am pregnant, and what are "his" thoughts?

Will I bond with the baby right away?

How is kyndel going to handle the new baby?