Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Since I have been on bed rest I have had a ton of time to think about the birth of the new baby. These are my thoughts as I have traveled down the journey of pregnancy. This chapter of my life will be closing and another one will be starting very soon. My thoughts are not in any special order and are not scripted or edited to fit what I think others would want to hear...

I thought I would of had a biological child 8 plus years ago.

My Dad talked to me for a few years about "not missing" the opportunity to try to have a biological child.

I love to see my Essie (mom) so excited about the new baby coming home. She smiles every time she sees me.

There are many jealous people out there regarding my pregnancy. Why can't they just be happy for me?

I have learned who my true 'friends' are during the pregnancy.

I am not sure if I have the energy to run after a toddler.

Within the last three weeks I have felt very vulnerable.

I am not sure if I am going to breastfeed.

How is Carson going to be with the new baby?

How is the baby going to change our lives?

What type of personality will the baby have?

Will I have a lot of pain after the c-section?

We have decided not to get a new suv yet as we do not want a car payment so my ridgeline will have to do... for a few more months.

I have seen the Lords hand in my pregnancy for the last nine months.

There were numerous times I thought...what did I get myself into as I was so sick.

Feeling the baby grow inside my belly has been amazing.

Many of my dreams over the past few months have been surrounded around the baby being born..i.e. the baby was born with a full set of teeth, the baby looked just like Carson, I went to have the c-section and was told I had another two months. phew!

Will I be able to relax and enjoy the baby or will I be up tight about having a newborn?

Will I be satisfied with one biological child?

When will be the best time to start our second adoption?

I have met a handful of very generous people regarding my pregnancy.

Jonathan has been unbelievable during the pregnancy journey.

When is our home going to sell so we can start on the new home? I would love for each of the children to have their own bedrooms. If not its ok...

I can not wait until the children get older so we can go on mission trips.

Is the baby going to have red hair or black hair?

brown eyes or blue eyes?

Carson's forever family day is the day after the baby is born.

Carson and I have been together for 4 years on the 3rd of June.

How is Christopher, Ali, Shauna and Noah going to be with the new baby?

Will my children really get to know their Uncle Joey since he lives a few hours away?

This time 4 years ago Tracey and I were in Guatemala. Oh, I have such emotional thougths about that trip.

Does "he" know I am pregnant, and what are "his" thoughts?

Will I bond with the baby right away?

How is kyndel going to handle the new baby?


jessica said...

I am not sure if I have ever posted before... I guess I am a "lurker". Except that word is soooo creepy sounding.

I adopted my son domestically 14 months ago. He has been with me since he was 3 days old. My son is my miracle. He is the baby I was meant to call mine.

I originally had planned on adopting from Guatemala, but they shut down adoptions about 1 month before I started. That is when I began following Guatemala adoption blogs....and I still check in, because I love to see how the chldren are growing and thriving.

I wanted to post today to wish you the very best of luck with your c-section and new baby. Carson is going to be so blessed to have a brother or sister.


PS... from reading your blog, I don't think we live that far from each other - probably about 2.5 hours.

Leah and Maya said...

have a wonderful c-section! I"m sure everyone will be over the top excited and then some! An early welcome to the world newest member of your family.
Well I can tell you I have always wante4d to breastfeed and it makes me very sad that I can't, even using all the garbage I would ahve to take to try most likely wouldn't result in much. Benjamin is using $200-$300 in formula a month and he is now 2 months old, so boy could we have saved some money, but it is worth every cent.
I don't knwo that people are unhappy you are pregnant, maybe they are I don't know. Jealous yes, happy for you but sad for themselves. I think you will find that is very very normal when you have infertile people around you. I was even careful announcing Benjamin because I know how bad that can hurt, it not that they arne't happy its just that they are sad.
Again Congrats on being a big brother Carson!

Bobbi said...

As I type, you are enjoying your healthy baby girl!! Congratualtions.

OK, I am using the word "enjoying" lightly. Newborns are hard. They area sweet, cuddly, smell good and love to snuggle. But, then they cry, wake up at odd times, and you just don't know what they need or want. You will be nervous, you will second guess yourself. You will feel what we all feel as parent.........helpless!! But, remember, you have done this before, and you can do it again. Add exhaustion and the recovery, and it is a bit tougher. Take help, take naps, and take advice at times, lightly. We all mean well, but you know what works for you all. I could write a book of advice for you, but just know I am an e-mail (or phone call) away. I have done this before and know I could use all the support I could get.

Do not feel the pressure to breast feed. We both know that babies who are bottle fed do just as well:) Look at our boys!!! Do what makes you happy and comfortable.

I could go on, but just know that I am not one of the jealous ones, I am one of the very, very, happy ones for you, and your family. She is a special blessing, and she will love you:)

NOW, I want some pictures!!